He has changed so much over the past few weeks. I know that I am probably projecting here, but his little face is so intelligent, like he understands all of the world's troubles - including mine. Poor kid.
That's the most recent photo I have of him - and believe me, there are plenty more where that came from! Since I last wrote on this blog, he had learned to smile, shriek, play with his hands, lick his hands, and coo. His coos sound like "oh" with a British accent. It cracks me up. He is also getting pretty good about holding up his head and getting control of his arms. Not to rush time because I really enjoy him as a baby, but I can't wait for him to start playing and crawling...
I am also somewhat amazed by how much I learned about him. When we brought him home from the hospital I never thought I'd be able to distinguish between the gassy cry and the cranky cry and the mamma hold me cry. But now I seem to be the only one who can tell what's going on with him. When everyone thinks that he is just tired, I know that he is working on a poo.
At the beginning of my maternity leave, it seemed like 12 weeks would never end. I was so tired and dealing with the case of the blues, and all I wanted to do was run away - at least for a while. With the arrival of spring things have definitely improved - Sammy and I bonded over long afternoon naps on the couch and lots of staring at each other and babbling incoherently. (That's mostly me doing the babbling. He just stares at me like I am the neighborhood crazy lady.)
Fun fact about Sam: When he is gassy or cranky in the evenings, he has a little song that he likes me to sing. Don't ask me how this came about, because I really don't know. But singing his Hungarian nickname, Simi, to the tune of Karma-Chameleon by Culture Club works wonders. I really have no clue how and why I started to sing this, but it works. Really. I hold him really close to my face and quietly sing it into his ear and he calms down. I thought it was just the sound of my voice that calmed him down and that any old song would do, but no. Karma-Chameleon it is.
I definitely have mixed feelings about returning to work. I am going to miss him like crazy and I haven't quite figured out yet how I am going to explain the Simi song to the people at daycare. I think what bothers me the most is that I can't explain to him what's going on, that I will be back for him in the afternoon and that he is in a safe place with nice people who will care for him. That kills me. On the other hand, him not understanding much is also a good thing, I suppose.
I am just a tiny bit excited about spending time in some adult company again and having conversations about things other than poop. But as soon as I get too carried away by the excitement, the guilt kicks in: why am I excited to be away from my kid? Ugh. It's complicated. I went shopping last weekend for some work clothes and even after spending several hundred dollars, I didn't get the same high I used to. This is a huge problem - although it will cut down on bills. Bummer.
So, I am preparing myself for the fact that next Wednesday is going to suck royally. I feel like the anticipation is worse than the actual pain will be... At least I hope. But Sammy and I are strong and we'll get through it.
